Some of you have been concerned that my expressions of frustration come from a downcast spirit. They don't. Absent physical pain I’m perfectly fine and feel quite clean before The Lord, and Man.
My denunciations may seem personal, because the only individuals I feel comfortable excoriating are people who I can be as sure as a mere human can be that they know better. Usually because I’ve already contacted them privately or because I know that they have read and watched a sufficient amount to understand what they are purposefully not acting upon.
And their personal inactions are utterly inexcusable.
In fact I don't think I’ve yet mentioned any specific individuals (except privately to less than 5 people) but have only alluded to one individual and one group, both of whom are people who know me from Jerusalem and know that there is no major flaw in me regarding Torah, Divine Service, or Acts of Kindness (the 3 pillars upon which the world stands according to the Jewish Tradition).
Even in such cases I’ve refrained from specifically condemning them for allowing me to suffer penury and solitide, and have only condemned them for failing to install me as a spokesman or leader of Israel. Because this too they know with certitude I am necessary for. They’ve seen me do it and know that I was appointed by our mutual Rosh Yeshiva (head of our rabbinic academy) to do so.
The fact that they don't do much to care for me, the human individual, is just evidence that their repeated refusal to even speak to me about the tragedy that they are committing for Jews and Judaism (and the name of God which we carry) comes not from some disagreement, ignorance, or weird religious refusal but to an inhumane spirit and an uncircumcised heart.
I try not to judge that which I don't know from every conceivable angle, which is why you’ll find me offering defenses for even killers and the like.
But my own life I know. And my own unanswered pleas to be shown any errors they might see in my beliefs or approach I know as well. Heck, “I’ve got the receipts” as the kids say.
My expressions of frustration are, I believe, as purely prophetic, in the Maimonidean understanding as I think anybody's can be.¹
In fact I’m absolutely certain that my refraining from public denunciations has been wrong.
I refrained for 3 reasons I can think of. None of them are good, but by order of acceptability they are:
Are my intentions righteous or might the fault be in me? This is a righteous way to think but I’m confident that it isn't a flaw of mine (judged, again, as a human being). It's just such a comfortable excuse and easy sense of righteous that I’ve overdone it. Heck, I specifically invited these people in to my whatsapp chabura and shared every single thing with them that they could possibly use against me or to reprove me. If any ego is involved it's a divine ego that I’ve been convinced is right a long long time ago and have no right to continue to doubt.
What's the point? Few people regard me as a prophet or anything near to it, so I’m sure to be read as petty and to be attacked. If there’s no tactical point to it, why do it? That's a worse excuse than the first one because if you know the right thing to do, you do it. Even if you can't foresee any practical benefit. The result of holding back in fact has been sleepless nights and indigestion. I finally eased that by emailing the specific individual himself with all that I had felt was required of me to say to him for his own sake. I hope that from God's Perspective I have done my duty.
Cowardice. My cowardice isn't of the usual sorts. I claim no credit for it but I lack the common sorts of physical or social cowardice. What I do have is moral cowardice. I’m afraid of violating my morals. That sounds like a good thing but it's not. There are times when it's right to risk Hell. This is one of those times. Worse yet, and dumber, is worrying about appearing to violate my morals or to appear contradictory of hypocritical. This is dumb because I assume that nobody who ignores me sees me as overly moral even at this moment. Nor have I found people to care much about consistency or purity. It's also horribly wron Phineas (in the Bible) did something pretty sick. He speared through the belly two adults have consensual pleasurable coitus. Without commenting on the act or the reason it was right (after all, I wasn't there and can't really say) The Torah’s God makes it clear that his reasons were good by referring to him as the grandson of Aaron (who famously acquiesced to the people’s sin at the holden calf due to his overreach towards peace) and Phineas was promised a covenant of Divine Peace.²
My only real point however is that I myself am well, and if I sound upset or angry it's (mostly) or a comfortable righteous sort, rather than of a depressed petty sort.
I GREATLY appreciate the concern and I applaud it. After all, assuming a person needs encouragement, or to grant forgiveness (for his own sake) is the right thing to do. It's better to err on the side if somebody's needing our love and encouragilment than to err on the side of assiming they’re okay. But (personal penury aside) my frustrations are holy. They can be relieved by helping to increase my reach of the prestige of my name but they don't effect my spirit negatively.
Again, both as Moshe and as Yedidya, I thank you.
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